Shape of you.

27 Mar

Take pictures of me.

When I’m not looking.
When I’m laughing.
When I’m enjoying my food.
When I talk about my passion.
When I’m sleeping.
When I feel the most vulnerable.

Don’t take pictures of me forcefully smiling.
Don’t take pictures of me angry and sad.
Don’t take pictures of me when my guard is up.

Fill your walls with me.
Cherish me like how I cherish you.

There were days where I feel we could not make it, when I feel like my life was heading to nowhere, when I was so near to ending it…I ask God to give me strength.

He showed me your kindness, your generosity, your virtues.
He reminded me that we’re all humans, that I am no better than the next person.

But I can be a better person for you. To work hard and be someone you deserve.
And if my heart can’t handle that, then at least I will be a better person for myself.


Tell me…

23 Feb

  1. Tell me a story of how people stay good and not how people leave
  2. Tell me a story of a beautiful world and not this ugly world
  3. Tell me a story of hope and not despair
  4. Tell me a story of how good people get good things and how bad people get bad things
  5. Tell me a story of justice
  6. Tell me a story of kindness and how it wins
  7. Tell me a story of how everything works out fine in the end
  8. Tell me a story of how there is happiness waiting for us
  9. Tell me a story of how all of this is just a bad dream
  10. Tell me a story of how a happy world exists
  11. Tell me a story with a happy ending
  12. Tell me a story of how I am going to see all my dreams come true and how happiness will find me

In a world where we see so many devastation and despair, we need stories brimming with hope – we need stories of a man willing to drive hours through a desert to bring water to animals during a drought. We need stories of women making food for those travelling harsh conditions to seek a better life. We need stories of a man willing to travel through war-torn countries to give toys to orphan kids.

Tell me that everything will be okay.

People love what other people are passionate about.

23 Jan

This is a quote from La La Land & just to say it one more time, LOVE the movie to bits. Apart from the fact that there were some race discrimination, the playlist and the dance moves were superb.

It also teaches us to love with no regrets. Although it did not help that the movie gave us a glimpse of ‘what-could-have-been’ just to take it all back. SIGH.

Here’s what happened in 2017 so far (for myself, that is):

  • I stopped Muay Thai for a while – it made my shoulder wider and I couldn’t wear my silk shirts which made me mad. What made me even more mad are my friends who were too polite to tell me the truth.
  • I decided to sign up for F45 for 2weeks. My last workout was weights and it was hellish but I saw immediate results. Which made me happy. The sore that took place the next day does not.
  • My boss finally got married on 6th Jan and we were so happy for her. She had smoke machine and fireworks. Princess theme!
  • My boss is also leaving the company in a few months time and I’m disappointed because I’ve warmed up to her and we don’t know how the new person would be like. Until then, I would like to very much live in my own bubble of denial for now.
  • Its very hard to save money this month because I’m booking all the places that we will be staying in London/Amsterdam this coming May (excited af!!)
  • Actually, I’m abit broke
  • Okay, just broke
  • And yet I’ve been bookmarking all the clothes that I want to buy and they are on sale.
  • I have to learn how to be patient till end of January. 7 full days.
  • I finished watching Korean drama ‘Weighlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo’ and ‘Goblin’
  • I have also finished watching all 8 episodes of ‘A Series of Unfortunate Events’ on Netflix
  • Oh yes! I almost forgot. After 7-8 years of having ugly green leather dining chairs given by my aunt, I HAVE FINALLY GOTTEN RID OF THEM and got ourselves some fancy Scandinavian-looking chairs (light grey fabric with light brown legs) – I realised that the ugly ones actually made my house smaller since they hid the sight of the floor.
  • Gave my nephew his gift – mega evolution pokemon cards. He’s a happy boy. Pretty sure he’s going to bring them to school tomorrow.

Happy Chinese New Year in advance everyone!


Janjiku Kepadamu

21 Oct

I overhead a conversation between two people on the train yesterday about how a friend of theirs dated for 6 months before tying the knot.

I was like, wow, that’s fast. Is it enough time to get to know the person? What happens if you dislike his way of eating or do you even know if he snores in his sleep?

But after dating for so long, and knowing at least only 80% of a person, I feel that marriage would teach you more than just meeting the person, 4x a week for max. 12 hours a day. I know I shouldn’t sound so ungrateful and that I found my soulmate but it hasn’t always been an easy ship to sail for us.

I’m so done with dating. I just want to get married and see what’s that like. Dating’s fun at the beginning but I’m so ready for that next phase in life. Yes, I’m impatient. That’s a trait of mine. I’m trying to save up as much as I can but it seems one-sided at the moment. I can go on for holidays after holidays but it doesn’t fill the void that I’m feeling right now.

I don’t want to see the world alone. I want to see it with someone. If you ever met me for the first time, you will see me as someone who is independent and confident. But I’m starting to see myself as a half rather than a whole person. I’m going to reference Lion King so if it doesn’t make sense to you, move along. When Kiara and Kovu was separated, she looked into her reflection at the river and she only saw half her reflection. That means she lost half of herself because Kovu completes her. That’s what I feel like.

It sucks.
I’ve been listening to Janjiku Kepadamu by Taufik and it calms me.
The lyrics are below:

Masih terasa belai tanganmu
Terbayang wajahmu dalam tidur ku
Renungan mata tak dapat ku lupa
Jelas tiada gadis setandingnya

Mengertilah wahai sayang ku
Segala terlukis di bibir mu….ohh

Ku kan selalu disisi mu
Dalam beribu hanya kau satu
Yang aku sayangi
Kasih abadi
Rela ku lakukan segala

Bagaikan bulan jatuh ke riba
Memberi erti hidup di dunia
Ku kan bersamamu setia selalu

Kau sering hadir dalam ingatan
Hadiri memenuhi harapan
Oh Sayang Pandangan mata tak dapat ku lupa
Masih tiada gadis setandingnya

Mengertilah wahai sayangku
Duniaku terlukis dibibirmu

Ku kan selalu disisi mu
Dalam beribu hanya kau satu
Yang aku sayangi kasih abadi
Rela ku lakukan segala

Bagaikan bulan jatuh ke riba
Memberi erti hidup di dunia
Ku kan bersama mu setia selalu
Janjiku padamu

Tanpamu hilanglah arahku
Sunyi tak bererti
Tak kan kau pernah jauh dihati
Kasihku mengerti

Ku kan selalu disisimu
Dalam beribu hanya kau satu
Yang aku sayangi kasih abadi
Rela ku lakukan segala
Bagaikan bulan jatuh keriba
Memberi erti hidup di dunia
Ku kan bersamamu setia selalu
Janjiku padamu



kick that fucker.

16 Oct

I’m joining Fight G Singapore  – Fight G MMA Academy is a Mixed Martial Arts gym that provides hard-style competitive training different from anything you have previously experienced from other regular gyms. We focus on specialised training in various martial arts, allowing our students to learn the different techniques and incorporate them into fighting styles of their own.

I’ve been in yoga for more than 2 years & even though it had kept me calm, I realized I needed an outlet. A place where I can scream and kick to my heart’s desire. Where I can picture the fucker that I want to kick and just hit it endlessly till my hands start to bleed.

I want them to feel as much pain as I did. It feels liberating, somewhat.
plus you would really work out all those core muscles.

Here’s to a new sport!

Tricky business.

10 Oct

Relationships are a tricky business.
Being in a relationship in the 21st-century makes it even trickier.

I sometimes wish I was dating during my parent’s time when there were no phones, no internet, no social media – like you’d have to call your girl at her house to decide on a place to meet and if she’s late, well you’d have to wait & there’s no way to contact her. Just purely waiting.

I was on Facebook, contemplating if I should send a congratulatory message to an ex on his wedding day. After thinking about it, I decided I should just go ahead and wish him since I truly am happy that he finally got the happy ending that he deserves. When I finally pluck up the courage to open the messenger, a chat history from 2009 appeared. Oh. My. God. I totally forgot that even existed. There is absolutely no delete button because it’s there forever, staring at you. So I decided nahh, lets leave it. 10 days after, I pluck up another set of courage and gave the belated message away. If he doesn’t think deeply about it, he will accept it. If he went to read all those messages years ago, well, he would know that we tried and we never really worked out.

So now back to the present, A and I had a long talk about stuff – I realized my past relationship had taught me how to be rational and logical. I saw a couple of things that I wasn’t happy about and instead of morphing into a raging bull, I let it rest and find a right timing to speak about it. Do take note to always talk in a quiet place and never talk about it when you’re having your meal. I hate nothing more than being unable to finish my food.

I admit, the fear is not due to a third party – I can easily punch a girl – but its something more sinister. Its something that you hear often. People who have been in a long relationship, only to break it off and never to be heard of again. That scares me. Looking at past relationships, I realized that everything became quite fast & serious. I’ve always have a type that I go for. While playboys are fun, we never really clicked. I hate guys with bad English. I love those who has a passion in life. The ones that work hard and play hard.

Adulthood will teach you a thing or two about workplace, friends, family and your soulmate. I’m not sure what my future holds for me, but at least I am contented with my present.

six years.

21 Sep

many a times relationships, after so long, gets into a system of familiarity and it gets redundant when repeated. that’s why couples always come up with new places to go, new places to travel and challenge one another to show that they are never boring.

a couple should be capable of having their own lives and yet, weave their significant other into it without any complications.

its tough, but we’re winging it.
the most important person is the one walking beside you for the rest of your life.