Janjiku Kepadamu

21 Oct

I overhead a conversation between two people on the train yesterday about how a friend of theirs dated for 6 months before tying the knot.

I was like, wow, that’s fast. Is it enough time to get to know the person? What happens if you dislike his way of eating or do you even know if he snores in his sleep?

But after dating for so long, and knowing at least only 80% of a person, I feel that marriage would teach you more than just meeting the person, 4x a week for max. 12 hours a day. I know I shouldn’t sound so ungrateful and that I found my soulmate but it hasn’t always been an easy ship to sail for us.

I’m so done with dating. I just want to get married and see what’s that like. Dating’s fun at the beginning but I’m so ready for that next phase in life. Yes, I’m impatient. That’s a trait of mine. I’m trying to save up as much as I can but it seems one-sided at the moment. I can go on for holidays after holidays but it doesn’t fill the void that I’m feeling right now.

I don’t want to see the world alone. I want to see it with someone. If you ever met me for the first time, you will see me as someone who is independent and confident. But I’m starting to see myself as a half rather than a whole person. I’m going to reference Lion King so if it doesn’t make sense to you, move along. When Kiara and Kovu was separated, she looked into her reflection at the river and she only saw half her reflection. That means she lost half of herself because Kovu completes her. That’s what I feel like.

It sucks.
I’ve been listening to Janjiku Kepadamu by Taufik and it calms me.
The lyrics are below:

Masih terasa belai tanganmu
Terbayang wajahmu dalam tidur ku
Renungan mata tak dapat ku lupa
Jelas tiada gadis setandingnya

Mengertilah wahai sayang ku
Segala terlukis di bibir mu….ohh

Ku kan selalu disisi mu
Dalam beribu hanya kau satu
Yang aku sayangi
Kasih abadi
Rela ku lakukan segala

Bagaikan bulan jatuh ke riba
Memberi erti hidup di dunia
Ku kan bersamamu setia selalu

Kau sering hadir dalam ingatan
Hadiri memenuhi harapan
Oh Sayang Pandangan mata tak dapat ku lupa
Masih tiada gadis setandingnya

Mengertilah wahai sayangku
Duniaku terlukis dibibirmu

Ku kan selalu disisi mu
Dalam beribu hanya kau satu
Yang aku sayangi kasih abadi
Rela ku lakukan segala

Bagaikan bulan jatuh ke riba
Memberi erti hidup di dunia
Ku kan bersama mu setia selalu
Janjiku padamu

Tanpamu hilanglah arahku
Sunyi tak bererti
Tak kan kau pernah jauh dihati
Kasihku mengerti

Ku kan selalu disisimu
Dalam beribu hanya kau satu
Yang aku sayangi kasih abadi
Rela ku lakukan segala
Bagaikan bulan jatuh keriba
Memberi erti hidup di dunia
Ku kan bersamamu setia selalu
Janjiku padamu



kick that fucker.

16 Oct

I’m joining Fight G Singapore  – Fight G MMA Academy is a Mixed Martial Arts gym that provides hard-style competitive training different from anything you have previously experienced from other regular gyms. We focus on specialised training in various martial arts, allowing our students to learn the different techniques and incorporate them into fighting styles of their own.

I’ve been in yoga for more than 2 years & even though it had kept me calm, I realized I needed an outlet. A place where I can scream and kick to my heart’s desire. Where I can picture the fucker that I want to kick and just hit it endlessly till my hands start to bleed.

I want them to feel as much pain as I did. It feels liberating, somewhat.
plus you would really work out all those core muscles.

Here’s to a new sport!

Tricky business.

10 Oct

Relationships are a tricky business.
Being in a relationship in the 21st-century makes it even trickier.

I sometimes wish I was dating during my parent’s time when there were no phones, no internet, no social media – like you’d have to call your girl at her house to decide on a place to meet and if she’s late, well you’d have to wait & there’s no way to contact her. Just purely waiting.

I was on Facebook, contemplating if I should send a congratulatory message to an ex on his wedding day. After thinking about it, I decided I should just go ahead and wish him since I truly am happy that he finally got the happy ending that he deserves. When I finally pluck up the courage to open the messenger, a chat history from 2009 appeared. Oh. My. God. I totally forgot that even existed. There is absolutely no delete button because it’s there forever, staring at you. So I decided nahh, lets leave it. 10 days after, I pluck up another set of courage and gave the belated message away. If he doesn’t think deeply about it, he will accept it. If he went to read all those messages years ago, well, he would know that we tried and we never really worked out.

So now back to the present, A and I had a long talk about stuff – I realized my past relationship had taught me how to be rational and logical. I saw a couple of things that I wasn’t happy about and instead of morphing into a raging bull, I let it rest and find a right timing to speak about it. Do take note to always talk in a quiet place and never talk about it when you’re having your meal. I hate nothing more than being unable to finish my food.

I admit, the fear is not due to a third party – I can easily punch a girl – but its something more sinister. Its something that you hear often. People who have been in a long relationship, only to break it off and never to be heard of again. That scares me. Looking at past relationships, I realized that everything became quite fast & serious. I’ve always have a type that I go for. While playboys are fun, we never really clicked. I hate guys with bad English. I love those who has a passion in life. The ones that work hard and play hard.

Adulthood will teach you a thing or two about workplace, friends, family and your soulmate. I’m not sure what my future holds for me, but at least I am contented with my present.

six years.

21 Sep

many a times relationships, after so long, gets into a system of familiarity and it gets redundant when repeated. that’s why couples always come up with new places to go, new places to travel and challenge one another to show that they are never boring.

a couple should be capable of having their own lives and yet, weave their significant other into it without any complications.

its tough, but we’re winging it.
the most important person is the one walking beside you for the rest of your life.





A lil late for new year but..

21 Aug

I changed jobs in May and it was literally the happiest day of my life.
No more politics or shitty co-workers (excluding those that are not, of course)

New year is forgettable yet again – I think I might have well have slept through.
But I am very happy, excited, jubilant, so utterly thrilled to announce that I celebrated my 25th overseas, in Dubai (:

Trying to make it a thing to celebrate my birthday overseas, that is until I get married or something. I met a bunch of schoolmates from poly and its an eye opener to have everyone at different parts of their lives. It’s really like nothing that we all plan to do and be at when we’re 25.

However, if my 19 year-old self sees me now, I pretty sure that she’d be proud of me. I hope that I have become a better human being (because that’s the most important one) and that I make time for my loved ones. I know she might be surprised at a few events such as putting money aside and securing a good medical insurance. That I do not let jealousy control me but have a clear rational thinking. That I am actually quite a sassy bitch at work and managed to handle 4 people under me before turning 25. I think that’s quite a big feat!

I’m saving up to plan for my next big trip next year. I’m always more comfortable when I’m travelling with someone but sometimes that does not permit and it sucks, especially since no one allows me to do solo-travelling.


My blogs are only ever going to be sporadic. So please, do not keep a lookout.


no government.

20 Dec

when the cats are away, the mice starts to play.
or so it seems to be at work.
the supervisors are far away on a vacation and we are enjoying a momentary freedom from their scrutiny and harsh words. It starts to feel less like work and more like a being dictated by an evil being.

there is also some distrust among the mice as well. apparently one of the mouse has less work to do and this upsets the rest. I do not understand what does complaining to me makes of this. They need to figure out what to do. I’m literally a neutral party. I wish not to participate in this quarrel and would rather sit out and let them all settle it themselves.

i really can’t take any of this anymore. there are way too many politics playing in the field. i am waiting patiently for how big my cheese will be before deciding on my next move.

hopefully to a greener pasture. and less cats.

x future.

8 Nov

i miss the intimacy – skin against skin.
when you don’t share why – i feel abandoned and alone.
and that will lead me to a series of questions I am afraid of.

if you don’t see a future for us – let me know.
so i don’t have to invest anything more in us.
no more hopes, dreams.

don’t talk to me about where we could live, what we could do.
because it will only leave a scar in my heart.
let me be to find my own destiny.

if my destiny isn’t with you – let me know.
don’t lead me on.