exams fear;

6 Apr

they say writing your doubts will help you score better in an examination.
and i do have doubts that i can do well in my finals.
especially when its a do or die mission.

i’m scared that my mind will go blank or that i am not able to bring in relevant theories that could bring up my marks and instead start to babble about some other bullshit. i’m scared that i won’t be able to do as well and i do want myself to know that this isn’t just merely a paper chase but a place to learn, a place to accept but also challenge new knowledge. people tend to look down because we do not have high GPAs but that does not mean we do not have experience and the street smarts. these small-minded people with their pedigree status still eat from the same plate that we do.

i’m scared that even when i do graduate with this paper that in the future, it will become irrelevant. how can i bring up my future children the way my parents have in a society that have changed so much? with a questionable government? will i be able to afford a house, a car? will i still be able to keep money aside for retirement? in a world so keen on growth and money and profits, and yet people fought for power and conflicts arises.

a change is not always good. but it is sometimes necessary. i really want to do well for myself because i am a fighter and pretty stubborn as well. i want to have fulfillment in life,hopefully. amin.

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